Being Involed in Your Grandchildrens' Lives

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Being a grandparent that is involved in their grandchildren’s lives can be tricky. If parents and grandparents don’t want to end up driving the children nuts, there needs to be open communication about everyone’s roles before the children arrive. Some young moms may want their mothers right at their side, guiding and directing them with the new baby; yet the young dad may not want his mother-in-law in the house for more than a couple of hours each day. Alternately, many young fathers would like their own mother in the house to help out while the young mom wants nothing of the kind. These issues must be discussed calmly and openly before the baby arrives. The parents must come to an agreement and then explain to the grandparents what they want or don’t want. If a young couples disagrees, the grandparents should back off and stay out of it.

Parents and grandparents alike need to compromise and show grace. Parents would do well to remember that they were raised by their parents and turned out alright. They can set boundaries, but they also should give the grandparents the opportunity to bond with the child. Grandparents, being the older and potentially wiser of the two parties, should remember how it feels to be a young parent, and give the parents the space or help they need.

In the end, it is the grandparents who are the outsiders. If they want a meaningful relationship with their grand children, it will have to be on the parents’ terms and rightly so. The parents are ultimately responsible for the children and have the right to set down rules and expect them to be followed. If grandparents ignore the rules or undermine the parents to the children, it will only serve to sever the relationship and cause everyone a world of hurt.

Grandparents, respect your children as adults and as parents. Know that you did a fine job with them and they can handle parenthood without your interference; of course, if they need your help, try to be available without being a crutch or controller. Parents, respect your own parents and let them love your children. Know that they did a fine job with you and that they love your children almost as much as you do.

Taken from an article titled “Grandparent and Parent Relationships. essortment.com

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