Ellen Dolny, UPAT Parent Educator
Do you remember showing your baby items and telling them the names of the item and hoping they would say them back? In the beginning, our babies hear speech sounds and words of their languages as we provide labels for the objects and people in their world. Once they begin to use words, we start to ask questions and tell stories to them. Language becomes a conversation between two people and actually makes sense!
What if we are not understanding the child’s language or other people are asking you what they are saying all the time? Or, what if you baby never gets to the “ba ba ba” and everyone else is saying “ma ma and da da”?
Every baby will write his own book on development, and language is only one chapter. Receptive language is responding to the words and sounds that your baby hears, and understanding language. Expressive language is sounds and body language a baby uses or says (when older) to communicate.
If you have concerns, you can have your baby/child screened by a professional. Here are some facts that may help you decide. Most two year olds have a receptive language from 300 to 1000 words in that second year. Their expressive language goes from 50 to 300 words. It happens from early opportunities given to them from books, conversations and experiences with words and sounds (mostly from the experts…the parents!) You are the expert of your child and if you have a feeling that you are worried abut our child’s language, please talk to your parent educator about a screening.
Lauretta Flammer, UPAT Parent Educator
Many parents are confused, even startled sometimes, to hear there child first say “No” to them. And then, as that child gets older and older, the confusion and startlement tends to fade while the frustration and annoyance builds. So, what do we do when a child says “No”?
There are so many answers and not one single answer is going to be the perfect fit for every child. So many factors play in to how we should respond to this undesired behavior; the age of the child, the temperament of the child, and our own attachment to our child.
Let’s first consider age-appropriateness. When a 2 year old says “No”, he/she is generally exerting independence and autonomy. Desire to be independent generally out-rules the desire to be obedient for the 2 year old. When a 3 year old says “No”, it can be related to the independence factor as well as the beginning stages of testing limits. When that 4 year old says “No”, typically testing has already been executed and proven OK to say.
So, assuming that parent and child have a solid, healthy attachment formed and fostered through the first years of life, and the child’s temperament is average for a child that age, the following steps should help in eliminating the “NO” word.
-You have asked your child to buckle up and they say “NO”.
Hopefully this gives a few guidelines and suggestions that will be helpful. The main thing to remember is that this phase starts young, and if handled properly and consistently through those testing periods, it can be almost extinct in the later preschool years.
Sheila Chaney, UPAT Parent Educator
What does it mean to be a helicopter parent? A helicopter parent is someone feels the need to hover over their child/children. When we are trying to help our children achieve something, sometimes feel the need to help too much. In our excitement to see our children progress we may take over. (I know parents that do their children’s chores, art, and homework.) Our children need the opportunity to see what works and what doesn’t work. We don’t want to suffocate or hold back our children. They need opportunity to learn and still be supported regardless of results to the projects. This is so important in the growth of a child.
Helicopter moms can instill fear in their children without even realizing it. Fear to not do it up to your standards. Fear of never being able to do it like mom. Fears of not doing it right the first time. Often we see our actions as helping when it can be just the opposite.
Children want to please their parents. Learning to do things builds good self-esteem. Children with good self-esteem learn to work things out on their own. The children then find themselves able and capable to complete tasks and want to do more.
Here is a list of things that really help:
Whatever you can do to support, love, and nurture your child, do it. If you find yourself hovering or even doing the project remove yourself and find someone who can help your child in a positive and nurturing manner.
Barbara Rouse, UPAT Parent Educator
Parenting young children is the most challenging job you’ll ever love. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, your child will do something new that sends you back to square one. A young child’s brain is rapidly growing and changing and wise parents grow and change right along with their child. Reading a parenting book can help give you confidence and teach you techniques that will help you raise a happy, healthy child. There are many good books in the library or available at your favorite bookstore. Here are a few of my favorites:
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim Fay and Charles Fay (Love and Logic Press; 1 edition (2000) ). The Love and Logic parenting curriculum has been around since 1977 and it is an excellent resource for parents who want the building blocks to create children who grow up to be responsible, successful teens and adults. This book contains practical tips on potty training, temper tantrums, bedtime, whining, time-out, hassle-free mornings, and many more everyday challenges. This book is easy to read and understand and it’s also available on CD.
Parents in Charge by Dana Chidekel, Ph.D (Citadel (April 1, 2003). Targeted to parents of newborn to school-age children, Parents in Charge is packed with observations and practical strategies. While parenting is always a challenge, the author believes that it can be stressful and traumatic if parents don't have the right approach. Most parents, she argues, bring their own baggage to their skills as parents, which can affect their childrearing and their child. "To be the best parent you can be," she says, "you must develop your awareness of yourself. The better you know yourself and the more awareness you have of what has influenced you, the better able you are to see yourself and your children and to make the best choices for you and your family." To help readers navigate through the many issues parents face, Chidekel offers brief examples followed by a suggested course of action.
The book also sweats the small stuff: writing thank you notes, calling adults by their first names, and the need to rethink birthday parties with bulging party bags. Parents will be reassured and reinvigorated by Chidekel's wise counsel.
Touchpoints Birth to 3 by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. (Da Capo Press; Second Edition edition (September 26, 2006) ) and Touchpoints 3 to 6 by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. and Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D. (a Capo Press; First Paperback Printing edition (October 15, 2002) ). These are excellent reference books for any home library. Dr. Brazelton helps parents understand their child’s behavior and teaches them how to prevent future problems. Touchpoints are the universal spurts of development and the trying periods of regression that accompany them throughout childhood. These books offer a complete understanding of child development from a physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral point of view. They cover a wide range of topics such as asthma, childcare, chores, manners, sleep, television, toys, sibling rivalry, safety, etc.
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, PhD (Harper Paperbacks, 2001). In this book, Becky Bailey teaches parents to provide children with love and guidance by first learning self-control. She teaches seven powers for self-control, seven basic discipline skills, and seven values for living and gives parents the tools to stop policing and pleading, and start being the parents we want to be.
Good luck in your parenting journey and happy reading!
By Sheila Chaney, UPAT Parent Educator
Wouldn’t that be wonderful to have every moment special? Is that realistic? There are many days when I can see that in my family. There are many more days that I just missed the moment, (do to some minor irritant), and some days that are just awful. How can we make sure we get more special days?
Remember: Children are needy, exhausting, and challenging. They can drive you to the edge and back again. But if you are aware of a few things about children, and you know your own limits and needs, everyday has the opportunity to be special.
Very Important Reminder: Children are our greatest teachers, examples, and later in life (hopefully) friends.
What to do to be ready and open for special moments…
There are more things we could add to the list, but think of ways that you can meet the needs in your home. Make opportunity for special moments. Sometimes just being more aware can bring one to flourish. Take good care of yourself and then help others. When we look outward to help and lift we only help ourselves. Be kind and considerate, what seeds you plant in children will grow. Kindness and consideration are great attributes to nourish.
What a blessing and challenge it is to have and raise children. Be the best person in your and their life.
Language is the Key teaches adults to use three simple strategies that encourage young children to talk. "CAR" is a simple way for adults to remember the three strategies.
C stands for Comment and wait.
A stands for Ask questions and wait.
R stands for Respond by adding a little more.
The "Language is the Key" program is based on a significant body of research in the following areas:
Language is the Key uses "Follow the child's lead" as the over-arching approach for early literacy and language facilitation. Children are more likely to talk about what they are interested in. Language is the Key teaches adults to respond to the child's interest when commenting, asking questions, or responding by adding more.
Comment and Wait. Modeling language by making comments that reflect the child's focus of interest is a universally recommended practice in language facilitation models. Describing pictures in books or what the child is doing during play, then pausing to allow time for a response, is an effective way to elicit language. Children need time to think and code their thoughts into language, so it is important for adults to give children at least 5 seconds to respond after they make a comment or ask a question. A longer wait-time also lets the child know the adult is interested in what the child has to say.
Ask Questions and Wait. Adults use two major types of questions to encourage children to talk or respond: open-ended and closed questions. Closed questions are those questions that require a yes-no answer, a pointing response, or a one- or two-word label. Asking a child "What do you see?", "Can you point to the cat?" or "What color is the alligator?" are examples of closed questions.
Open-ended questions generally require a more complex linguistic response and may require additional "thinking time" on the part of the child to formulate their response. Open-ended questions tend to elicit full sentences or even several sentences. "What is the chicken doing?", "What's going to happen next?", or "Why did the girl need a new bicycle?" are examples of open-ended questions.
Respond by adding a little more. Expansion of the child's utterances is a basic tool in language facilitation. The adult repeats what the child says and then expands the utterance with one or two new words. This allows the child to contrast her utterance with the adult's expansion and also hear the next level of difficulty for language production. For example, if the child says "ball", the adult says "ball, big ball." This reinforces the child's talking, gives her the support for the next level of complexity and provides new information.
Repeat again in Spanish, Korean, etc. "Repeat again in the home language" is a strategy for families who speak a language other than English at home. Children who are learning two languages simultaneously frequently mix the two languages.
by UPAT Parent Educator, Sheila Chaney
The power of family genes lives on in our bodies, and the power of how we see ourselves, others, and the world, lives on in our psyche. That’s the strength of family history. We inherit a genetic make-up and adopt values, attitudes and behaviors from those who birth us and rear us to adulthood. Nature and nurture—both leave influences that remain throughout our lives and influence who we are. As babies we also come with our own unique personality traits, temperaments, and innate spiritual selves.
By looking at our family history and patterns we can decide what patterns we want to keep and what we want to change. For example, If our parents suffered from heart disease, we may decide to watch our diet, exercise regularly, and get yearly medical checkups and advice. We also may want to teach our children healthy eating patterns.
Humans are masters of denial. Most of us will try to find ways to avoid examining painful experiences. We tend to act angry, or to withdraw when we are feeling afraid, especially if we have no safe place to vent our anger; no safe person to tell our fears. There is a tendency to ‘stuff” the emotions deep into our denial satchel. Many people suffer bouts of depression, a common sign of anger turned inward, because their “satchel” needs a good cleaning out. As we look at negative family and individual patterns our job is to unpack the past and current behaviors, piece by piece, clean it out an decide what to do with it. If we need extra help ‘unpacking” we can ask for help from a qualified, safe friend or counselor.
As we examine family patterns, we can also rejoice at the good qualities, habits, and patterns found in our family and build upon the tremendous foundation. As we incorporate those habits and values into our own family, generations after us will be solid in mind, emotions, body and spirit. As a parent, our job is to increase our awareness and understanding of family dynamics and how the patterns-of-behavior influence and each individual in the family.
Family Systems
Any system is made of parts working together. An automobile engine is a system. A computer is a system. A family is a system. You are part of a family system. In a family, the parts are the members. They work together for the benefit of the whole family. Each member is important to the survival of the family. Everything that happens to a member affects the entire family. Changes in the family and in society as a whole affect the family system.
Every family is unique and different. Still, all families have many things in common. They want to be happy and successful. They want to rear happy, successful children. They want to give and receive love.
Family Functions and Roles
All family members have roles. Roles have titles like father, mother and child. Roles involve tasks like care giver, wage earner and learner. The family, working as a system, has several tasks or functions:
If you are looking for extra learning activities to do with your child on a regular basis, there are several very accessible things that you can do without opening your wallet, and they are right your own community - and most of them are literally right in your own back yard! Here are eight things that you can do to help encourage learning in your preschooler:
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